Divorce can be a tough process, and mediation in New Jersey is one way to make it a little easier. Instead of going straight to court, many couples decide to try mediation to sort out their issues. In mediation, both people can discuss what they want and need, with the help of a neutral third person called a mediator. Mediation can help couples save time, reduce stress, and reach an agreement that both sides find fair. It’s important to understand that mediation is different from a traditional courtroom setting because the goal is to communicate and compromise rather than have a judge make the final decision. Here, we’ll explore some key do’s and don’ts to help you make the most out of your mediation experience in New Jersey. At, The Mediation Source, we are here to guide you through the legal process and help you navigate the complexities of your case.
Choose Mediation When You’re Open to Communication
Mediation works best when both people are willing to talk and listen. In a divorce, emotions can run high, but for mediation to work, it’s necessary to be as calm and open-minded as possible. If both spouses are ready to work together to find a middle ground, mediation can be a good option. This means listening to each other’s concerns and being open to ideas that could help both sides. For mediation to lead to success, both parties should understand that they might not get everything they want but can still reach a fair result. Mediation is about working toward what is best for both people involved.
Don’t Treat Mediation Like a Courtroom Battle
One of the biggest mistakes people make in mediation is treating it like a courtroom. Mediation is not about proving one person is right and the other is wrong. It is not about winning or losing. Instead, it’s a way to reach an agreement that satisfies both sides. This process involves compromise, so if you come into mediation with the attitude of wanting to “win” everything, it might not work as you hope. If both people come in thinking they must fight, then mediation may not be the best choice. The more each person tries to work together, the smoother the process will go.
Be Honest and Transparent
In mediation, honesty is important. Both people should be open about what they want and need from the divorce agreement. Whether it’s about dividing assets, custody arrangements, or financial support, it’s crucial to be truthful. If someone hides information or is dishonest about their assets or intentions, it can make the process harder and may even cause it to fail. Honesty helps to build trust between both parties and allows the mediator to assist in finding fair solutions.
Don’t Hide Financial Information or Assets
One big don’t in mediation is hiding financial information. In a divorce, both parties must fully disclose their finances, including income, savings, debts, and property. Trying to hide money or assets will only make the process more complicated and could lead to serious consequences. When you’re transparent with financial information, it’s easier for the mediator to help create an agreement that takes both parties’ financial situations into account. New Jersey law requires this honesty, so being upfront about your financial situation is not just wise, it’s also required.
Do Set Clear Goals Before Mediation
Before starting mediation, it helps to think about what you want to achieve. This includes considering issues like property division, child custody, and financial support. Knowing your priorities can help you stay focused and avoid getting sidetracked. For example, if your main concern is the well-being of your children, keeping that goal in mind can help guide your discussions. When you have clear goals, it’s easier to negotiate and find solutions that meet your needs. A mediator can help you think through your goals, but it’s helpful to have an idea of what matters most before you start.
Don’t Let Emotions Take Over
Divorce can bring out strong emotions, but it’s important not to let those feelings control the mediation process. Anger, sadness, or frustration are normal, but they can cloud judgment and make it hard to work toward a fair agreement. During mediation, try to keep your emotions in check and focus on what’s best for your future. If you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe or ask for a short break. Remember that mediation is about finding solutions and moving forward, not rehashing past issues. Keeping emotions under control can help make the process smoother and more successful.
Tanya Freeman was super helpful both times I had to reach out to her for advice and help. I had no idea how to start or go about the divorce process and she was very helpful over the phone, which shocked me, because I didn’t think anyone could help me over the phone and I felt really lost in this whole process. She was very friendly and called back right away. She helped me out and answered my questions. I would definitely recommend her!!” - Raquel Sullivan I highly recommend Tanya! Very professional and always there when I needed her. She explained everything, every step of the way and was happy to answer any questions that I had. She got me the exact results that I had wished for in a highly complicated divorce!!" - Bonita Davis Attorney Freeman is very knowledgeable attorney. From our first meeting, she explained everything to me in terms I could easily understand and was always very responsive when I had questions outside of our meetings." - Bonnie Adams
Do Stay Focused on What’s Best for Your Children
If you have children, their well-being should be a top priority in mediation. New Jersey courts focus on the best interests of the child, and so should you. Think about what arrangements will make your children feel secure, loved, and supported. This includes not only where they will live but also how they will spend time with each parent. Mediation gives both parents a chance to work together to decide on a plan that works best for the children. This can include decisions about school, holidays, and how major decisions will be handled. By keeping your focus on what’s best for your children, you can help create a positive environment for them.
Don’t Use Children as a Bargaining Tool
A common mistake some people make during mediation is using children as a bargaining chip. Children should never be used to try to get what you want in other areas of the divorce. New Jersey law emphasizes the child’s best interests, so it’s important to keep that in mind at all times. For instance, threatening to take away visitation rights unless you get more financial support can hurt both your children and the mediation process. Instead, focus on building a plan that allows both parents to be involved and supportive in their children’s lives. Keeping children out of conflicts and focused on a positive outcome will benefit everyone.
Do Prepare to Compromise
Mediation is all about give and take. Both people will need to make some compromises to reach a fair agreement. It’s unrealistic to expect that everything will go exactly the way you want. Instead, try to think of the bigger picture and consider what’s most important to you. By being willing to give a little on some issues, you can make it easier to get an agreement on the things that matter most to you. Remember that mediation is about finding a solution that works for both sides, which often means meeting in the middle.
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Don’t Rush the Process
Mediation takes time, and trying to rush it can lead to mistakes and regrets. Each decision you make will impact your future, so it’s important to take the time needed to make thoughtful choices. Rushing through discussions or trying to reach a quick agreement might seem tempting, but it can result in an agreement that isn’t fully thought out. Allow yourself the time to carefully consider each part of the agreement to make sure it’s the right choice for you. A thorough and careful approach can help create a lasting solution.
Do Trust the Mediator’s Guidance
In mediation, the mediator is there to guide you and help you find solutions. While the mediator doesn’t take sides, they have experience in helping people reach agreements. Trusting their guidance and advice can make the process easier. They can help clarify complex issues, keep discussions on track, and suggest compromises that you might not have thought of. The mediator’s role is to help you communicate better and find a fair outcome, so it’s wise to rely on their experience to get through difficult moments.
Don’t Rely Solely on Mediation if You and Your Spouse Can’t Agree
While mediation can be very effective, it’s not always the right choice for every couple. If there are deep disagreements that can’t be resolved, or if one spouse is unwilling to compromise, it may not be possible to reach an agreement through mediation. In such cases, going to court may be necessary to settle unresolved issues. Mediation works best when both people are willing to work together. If one side is unwilling to cooperate, mediation may not lead to a successful outcome. In cases where mediation doesn’t work, it’s essential to explore other legal options.
Divorce mediation can be a constructive way to reach agreements, but understanding the right approach makes a difference. The Mediation Source is here to support you every step of the way in your New Jersey divorce mediation journey. With guidance tailored to your needs, we’re committed to helping you navigate this process smoothly. To find out how we can assist with your mediation needs, contact The Mediation Source today for a consultation and take the first step toward a fair resolution.